Be still my aching heart.

Not much new to report. I can't remember if I posted a blog about this or not, but the big news this past month or so has been the Ministry's decision to issue what they are calling "regret" letters. Basically stating that once you receive an approval, they will give your case 6 months, and if, at that time, you have not been matched with a child, your file will be closed. That's it, for right now. As we have found in the past year, anything could change.

We got, or I should say I got, really excited/anxious the last couple of weeks as I saw families with numbers all around us, both in front of and behind us, receive approvals. I was, and still am, thinking, we could get ours ANY DAY. I check the email 1st thing in the morning and last thing at night (not that I could expect any news after about 1pm Eastern Time due to the time difference, but why not!)

I had gotten kinda freaked out about the whole thing, to be honest, until a sweet friend of mine said to me, "I'm going to pray that you do not receive an approval until your child is ready to come home."
I don't know why it was hard for me to pray that. All along I have prayed, "Thy will be done." Like if I would pray for something like that, it would be second guessing God's will, you know? I know I am over-thinking everything, but I don't think anyone but another expectant-adoptive parent can really understand the aching in my heart. Is this REALLY going to happen? Have we truly heard God right about this? We are SO ready to welcome our Rwandan kiddo into our arms and home, what if. ultimately, this is not God's plan, but a path He has lead us on with some other final goal that we can't possibly see?

Does this all sound crazy?

What I know: My God loves me. He has called my family and I to adopt. He opened doors and moved mountains to lead us to Rwanda last year. He is teaching me a huge lesson in trust and patience right now. I will not doubt His plan. I will continue to walk this path without complaint and I will glory in whatever outcome He has for us.

Oh, and I got a big stack of papers in the mail yesterday...home study update time! Woot! We are including our change to special needs. DON'T STOP PRAYING!!!